New script — and the pitch is part of the word.

Thai is written without spaces between words, but it's completely phonetic once you know the pieces. It's also tonal: one syllable said at five different pitches is five different words. Nobody expects a visitor to nail the tones — knowing they're there is what stops you being baffled.

Tap one to hear its name. Thai names every consonant after a word — ก is "gor gài", g for chicken — which is how children and street signs both learn them.

Thai vowels are written around the consonant rather than after it, and four small marks set the tone. These are the pieces that turn a row of consonants into words.

• Five tones, and they change the word. Mid, low, falling, high, rising. The single syllable mai covers "new", "wood", "not", "burn" and the spoken question mark — the pitch is the only difference.
• The tone isn't just the mark. A syllable's tone comes from three things at once: the class of its consonant, the length of its vowel, and the tone mark if there is one. That's why the same mark gives different tones on different letters.
• Vowels are written all around the consonant. Above, below, after — and sometimes before, even though it's said after: เ- and ไ- sit to the left of the consonant they follow.
• There are no spaces between words. Thai uses spaces the way English uses commas and full stops. A run of script is a phrase, not one enormous word.
• Endings get clipped, and some sounds don't exist. Final k, t and p stop without a release, there's no true "v" or "z", and a final l turns into an n — which is why ฟุตบอล comes out "fút-bon".

The rules nobody prints on the menu.

Your Thai rarely outs you. These do. Read once, and you'll move differently.

The plates and glasses worth going out of your way for — each with the name as you'd say it out loud.

Test the four channels.

Understanding Thai by ear, reading, recall, and your own mouth. Quick rounds — do them twice.