Japanese politeness levels for a two-week trip: what you need and what you can skip
Japanese grammar changes with the social distance between speakers, which sounds alarming until you notice the split: one level to speak, another only to recognise.
Japanese has several layers of politeness built into its verbs, and travellers who hear about them tend to worry that every sentence is a chance to offend. In practice the levels divide neatly for a visitor: there is one you speak, one you only need to understand, and one you can ignore entirely. This guide sorts them, gives you a decoder for the formal Japanese that staff will use at you, and walks through the handful of places where a word or two of the right register makes a visible difference.
The three layers, and which one is yours
Roughly speaking, Japanese speech sits on three levels. Plain speech is the register of friends and family. The polite desu/masu style, called teineigo (丁寧語, tay-NAY-go), is the public standard. Above it sits keigo in the narrower sense, which itself has two halves: sonkeigo (尊敬語), which raises the person you are talking about, and kenjōgo (謙譲語), which lowers the speaker. The Japan field kit explains why the polite form is safe with everyone; this guide assumes that and goes further.
The useful thing to understand about the two halves of keigo is that they work as a pair. When a shop assistant uses honorific verbs for what you do and humble verbs for what they do, they are widening the gap between customer and staff on purpose. Nothing in that arrangement requires you to match it. A customer answering in plain polite Japanese is exactly what the system expects.
| Layer | Example ("to eat") | Do you speak it? | Do you hear it? |
|---|---|---|---|
| Plain | 食べる taberu | No need; it sounds abrupt from a stranger | Between friends, on TV, in shop staff's asides to each other |
| Polite (teineigo) | 食べます tabemasu | Yes: your whole toolkit | Everywhere |
| Honorific (sonkeigo) | 召し上がる meshiagaru | No | Staff describing what you do |
| Humble (kenjōgo) | いただく itadaku | Only in fixed phrases such as itadakimasu | Staff describing what they do |
A decoder for the Japanese spoken at you
Service keigo is formulaic. Shops, restaurants and stations use the same few dozen sentences, and once you recognise their shape they stop sounding like a wall of syllables. The kit covers the welcome and the most common one-moment-please phrases; these are the others you will meet in the first days, with what each one actually wants from you.
| You hear | Roughly | What it means | Your answer |
|---|---|---|---|
| 何名様ですか | nan-mei-sama desu ka | How many people? | Hold up fingers, or futari desu (two) |
| ご注文はお決まりですか | go-chūmon wa o-kimari desu ka | Have you decided? | Hai, or mō sukoshi (a little longer) |
| 店内でお召し上がりですか | tennai de o-meshiagari desu ka | Eating in? | Tennai de (here) or mochikaeri de (takeaway) |
| お待たせいたしました | o-matase itashimashita | Sorry to have kept you waiting | Nothing; it is said even when there was no wait |
| ごゆっくりどうぞ | go-yukkuri dōzo | Take your time, enjoy | A nod |
| 袋はご利用ですか | fukuro wa go-riyō desu ka | Do you want a bag? (usually a few yen) | Onegaishimasu or daijōbu desu |
| 温めますか | atatamemasu ka | Shall I heat it? (convenience-store food) | Hai, onegaishimasu or daijōbu desu |
| ポイントカードはお持ちですか | pointo kādo wa o-mochi desu ka | Do you have a points card? | Nai desu |
| 〜でよろしいでしょうか | … de yoroshii deshō ka | Is that correct? (repeating your order) | Hai |
| 〜円お預かりします | … en o-azukari shimasu | I am taking ¥… from you | Nothing; your change follows |
| 恐れ入りますが | osore-irimasu ga | I am very sorry, but… | Listen: a request or bad news is next |
| 申し訳ございません | mōshiwake gozaimasen | Deep apology | Often means "we don't have it" or "that's not possible" |
| またお越しくださいませ | mata o-koshi kudasaimase | Please come again | Dōmo or nothing |
Four patterns let you spot keigo even in sentences you have never heard. The prefixes o- and go- on a noun usually mean "your" in a respectful sense: o-namae, your name. The suffix -sama marks you as the honoured party: you are o-kyaku-sama, the customer, and at a hotel or clinic you may be called as "Smith-sama". The ending -mase is a ceremonial flourish on a request. And gozaimasu in place of arimasu or desu raises the formality of any statement without changing its meaning.
Never use -sama or the honorific verbs about yourself. That is the one keigo error that sounds genuinely odd, rather than merely foreign.
Kudasai or onegaishimasu
Both get translated as "please", and they are not interchangeable. Kudasai (koo-DAH-sigh) literally means "give me", and it attaches to a thing or to a verb: mizu o kudasai, water please; matte kudasai, please wait. It is correct and clear, and slightly direct.
Onegaishimasu (oh-neh-gai-shee-MAHS) is a humble verb meaning roughly "I make a request", and it is softer and more flexible. It works with a noun on its own, with no verb needed, which makes it the most useful single word for a traveller:
- O-kaikei onegaishimasu: the bill, please.
- Ryōshūsho onegaishimasu: a receipt, please.
- Kore de onegaishimasu: with this, please, as you hand over a card.
- Kyōto-eki made onegaishimasu: to Kyoto station, please.
When in doubt, reach for onegaishimasu. The rule of thumb many teachers use: kudasai for small, ordinary requests to someone serving you; onegaishimasu when asking a favour, handing something over or speaking to someone you want to treat with extra care.
Saying no, and hearing it
Because direct refusals are avoided, Japanese has a set of phrases that sound like hesitation and function as a firm no. The kit explains chotto…; it has relatives. Chotto muzukashii desu ne, "that's a little difficult", usually means it cannot be done. Kentō shimasu, "we will consider it", rarely leads anywhere. Accept them as answers and move on.
For your own refusals, two phrases cover nearly everything. Daijōbu desu (dye-JOE-boo dess), literally "I'm fine", is the everyday no-thank-you: to a bag, a points card, a heated lunch box, a second helping. Kekkō desu (keck-KOH dess) is firmer and more formal, good for street touts or a persistent offer. Avoid answering a yes-or-no offer with ii desu, "it's good": it can mean "yes, that's fine" or "no, I'm fine", and the listener has to guess from your hand.
A softer way to ask for anything is to trail off. Shinjuku ni ikitai n desu ga…, "I'd like to go to Shinjuku, but…", leaves the request unfinished, and the listener will step in to help. It sounds more natural than a full question, and it is easier to say.
The bow ladder
Bows come in recognised depths. The shallow eshaku (会釈), about fifteen degrees, is a greeting or thanks in passing. Keirei (敬礼), about thirty degrees, is a formal greeting or thanks, the bow a shop assistant gives a customer. Saikeirei (最敬礼), forty-five degrees or deeper and held, is for serious apology, ceremony or great gratitude.
A traveller needs only the first: a slight dip of the head and shoulders when thanking someone, receiving something or leaving a shop. You do not need to return every bow you receive; staff bowing as you leave, or a train conductor bowing to the carriage, expects nothing back. Keep your eyes lowered rather than holding eye contact through the bow, and do not combine it with a handshake unless the other person offers one.
Shops, taxis and the ryokan
Shops and restaurants
Entering, you do not answer the welcome. Leaving a shop, dōmo or arigatō gozaimashita is plenty. Leaving a restaurant, say gochisōsama deshita (go-chee-SŌ-sah-mah deshi-ta), "thank you for the meal", to the staff or towards the kitchen; at a counter restaurant the cook will hear it, and it is the single politest thing a visitor can say.
Taxis
- Getting in: [place] made onegaishimasu. Show the address on your phone if it is not a landmark.
- Checking payment: Kādo de ii desu ka? (Is a card all right?) Card payment is now normal in city taxis, as are transit IC cards.
- Stopping: Koko de ii desu, "here is fine".
- Getting out: Arigatō gozaimashita.
The ryokan
If you are thinking about leaving the optional envelope for your room attendant, the tipping guide explains how. A traditional inn is where register is most noticeable, because staff speak the formal end of keigo throughout. Two phrases match its tone without needing any of it. On arrival, after giving your name, say o-sewa ni narimasu (oh-SEH-wah nee nah-ree-MAHS), "I will be in your care". On leaving, use the past form, o-sewa ni narimashita, "thank you for looking after me". When staff knock and enter your room, they will say shitsurei shimasu, "excuse me for intruding"; you will hear it again as they leave. Use it yourself when you enter a staff office or a private room.
What you can safely skip
- Producing honorific or humble verbs. Polite desu/masu is correct with everyone you will meet.
- Choosing between pronouns. Leave "I" and "you" out; Japanese sentences work without them.
- Gendered speech styles and sentence-final particles beyond ne and yo.
- Returning every bow.
What you should keep: onegaishimasu, daijōbu desu, gochisōsama deshita, o-sewa ni narimasu, and the habit of answering keigo calmly in plain polite Japanese, which is exactly what it is designed for. The phrases themselves, with audio and the sounds behind them, are in the Japan field kit.